Well we spent 8 hours at the Emergency Room last night and I could just Feel my Love for my husband growing! So until we get him propped up and well there won’t be any more thoughts of problems only thoughts of Solutions!! Talk about a turn around….He was diagnosed with severe anemia and and a UTI!

Janine my heart goes out to you. My own marriage has been up and down for its 70 year duration. I wanted out many times when the kids were home but stayed. After they were grown and out, I still wanted out but stayed for some reason. It is a very personal decision, wrought with so many issues that it makes you dizzy. I hope your counselor is able to help you sort it all out with you and you are comfortable with the final outcome. Everyone deserves to be happy and if you are certain you can’t be happy in this marriage, I hope you have the courage to leave.

Janie ,the 22 years in age has a lot to do with the way he feels about a marriage also ,you & I are baby boomers, your husband is in a totally different generation alone with our grandparents generation and they saw being married way different than us baby boomers, for most part his sexual drive is long over & he see the world & marriage totally different from what you feel it should be like ,you both are living with a 22 year age gap and that's a big difference, neither one of you took in consideration b4 you jumped into marriage. Wish you well but hope you find happiness in life and get to point to njoy life with him or without him .🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

It is not uncommon for any type of chronic illness within a family to result in marital difficulties. There can be many loss related issues and challenges to deal with. Everyone copes differently. What ever you do, don’t blame yourself. You may have multiple health issues but from your postings others can see how your coming to an acceptance of living with heart disease and doing your best to live your life to the fullest. That is so important. Added to that you seem to have a very pleasant, congenial, vibrant, strong and wonderfully introspective personality. I think you know your husband well. From my experiences men and women don’t always communicate intimately in the same language. That men are from Mars/women Venus theory seems to hold merit. I think you are right Carl was terrified when you had that Post Anesthesia episode. That coupled with losing two wives already can be emotionally traumatic without being expressed. No doubt he is angry about the misfortunate heartbreak in his life of having to mourn and bury two wives and now that trauma becomes real again for him when the woman he loves experiences any heath issue (perhaps knee currently triggering him). In trying to protect himself emotionally he he pulling away from you although he feels a desperate need for your attention. He may not even realize what he is doing feeling only an unyielding sense of frustration and anger. While I understand this behavior as self protective and most likely unconsciously so it is not fair to you. He is coping in a dysfunctional manner to your marriage. As you pointed out with your parents you need to emotionally be able to support each other especially during adversity. I can only imagine how hurtful this is for you. I know this is hard to do and easy to advise but just hoping you can proceed by getting him to a therapist. As I said this is not you or your fault. He is having emotional difficulties that are beyond reassurance at this time and sphere of his life. Also as people get older there can be personality changes which make coping more difficult. Hoping he is not too stubborn to go with you for couples or individual therapy. We all could benefit from a little therapeutic type support and especially when life is throwing us lemons. My heart is with you.

Janine,
Sorry that you both are having issues. This disease we all have does cause some issues especially at our ages. We are suppose to be enjoying our golden years and our health (mine) is just so burdensome. My sister-in-law moved to where we live and it brings me so much comfort knowing that my wife's older sister leaves within 5 miles of us.They both are currently returning from a wedding they took the weekend to fly to Florida to see a cousins daughter getting married. I didn't go because quite frankly this breathing issue has me out of sorts. Plus with Eustachian Tube Dysfunction I always have issues with congestion and ear block when I fly. Can't take decongestants due to the heart. We all are going on a trip in June to the East Coast for a week (flying from Texas) and just hoping it goes well. I just do not want to a be a burden on my wife. So I think in some way we all have issues because of the heart condition in some shape or form. Hope that things get better for you soon.